The Honey Pot
allthingsjoss:

ANYA: This is the man that I plan to entangle,Isn’t he fine?My claim to fame was to maim and to mangle,Vengeance was mine!But I’m out of the biz.The name I made, I’ll trade for his,The only trouble is…I’ll never tell.
XANDER: She is the one,She’s such wonderful fun,Such passion and grace. Warm in the night when I’m right in her tight—Embrace! Tight embrace!I’ll never let her go ,The love we’ve known can only grow.There’s just one thing that — no —I’ll never tell.
BOTH: ‘Cuz there’s nothing to tell.
ANYA: He snores.XANDER: She wheezes.ANYA: Say ‘housework’ and he freezes.XANDER: She eats these skeezy cheeses that I can’t describe.ANYA: I talk, he breezes.XANDER: She doesn’t know what ‘please’ is.ANYA: His penis got diseases from a Chumash tribe!
BOTH: The vibe gets kind of scary.
XANDER: Like she thinks I’m ordinary.ANYA: Like it’s all just temporary.XANDER: Like her toes are kind of hairy.
BOTH: But it’s all very well‘Cuz god knows, I’ll never tell!
ANYA: When things get rough, heJust hides behind his Buffy! Now look, he’s getting huffy‘Cuz he knows that I know.
XANDER: She clings.She’s needy.She’s also really greedy.She nev—
ANYA: His eyes are beady!XANDER: This is my verse, hello! She—
ANYA: (spoken) Look at me! I’m dancing crazy!
BOTH: You know…
XANDER: You’re quite the charmer.ANYA: My knight in armor.
XANDER: You’re the cutest of the Scoobies,With your lips as red as rubies,And your firm yet supple—Tight embrace!
ANYA: He’s swell.XANDER: She’s sweller.ANYA: He’ll always be my feller.XANDER: That’s why I’ll never tell her that I’m petrified.
ANYA: I’ve read this tale,There’s wedding, then betrayal.I know there’ll come the day I’ll want to run and hide.
BOTH: I lied,I said it’s easy.I’ve tried,But there’s these fears I’ve can’t quell.
XANDER: Is she looking for a pot of gold?ANYA: Will I look good when I’ve gotten old?XANDER: Will our lives become too stressful if I’m never that successful?ANYA: When I get so worn and wrinkly that I look like David Brinkley?XANDER: Am I crazy?ANYA: Am I dreamin’?XANDER: Am I marrying a demon?
BOTH: We could really raise the beam in making marriage a hell!So, thank god, I’ll never tell!I swear that I’ll never tell!
XANDER: My lips are sealed.ANYA: I take the Fifth.XANDER: Nothing to see,Move it along.
BOTH: I’ll never Tell!

allthingsjoss:

ANYA: This is the man that I plan to entangle,
Isn’t he fine?
My claim to fame was to maim and to mangle,
Vengeance was mine!
But I’m out of the biz.
The name I made, I’ll trade for his,
The only trouble is…
I’ll never tell.

XANDER: She is the one,
She’s such wonderful fun,
Such passion and grace.
Warm in the night when I’m right in her tight—
Embrace! Tight embrace!
I’ll never let her go ,
The love we’ve known can only grow.
There’s just one thing that — no —
I’ll never tell.

BOTH: ‘Cuz there’s nothing to tell.

ANYA: He snores.
XANDER: She wheezes.
ANYA: Say ‘housework’ and he freezes.
XANDER: She eats these skeezy cheeses that I can’t describe.
ANYA: I talk, he breezes.
XANDER: She doesn’t know what ‘please’ is.
ANYA: His penis got diseases from a Chumash tribe!

BOTH: The vibe gets kind of scary.

XANDER: Like she thinks I’m ordinary.
ANYA: Like it’s all just temporary.
XANDER: Like her toes are kind of hairy.

BOTH: But it’s all very well
‘Cuz god knows, I’ll never tell!

ANYA: When things get rough, he
Just hides behind his Buffy!
Now look, he’s getting huffy
‘Cuz he knows that I know.

XANDER: She clings.
She’s needy.
She’s also really greedy.
She nev—

ANYA: His eyes are beady!
XANDER: This is my verse, hello! She—

ANYA: (spoken) Look at me! I’m dancing crazy!

BOTH: You know…

XANDER: You’re quite the charmer.
ANYA: My knight in armor.

XANDER: You’re the cutest of the Scoobies,
With your lips as red as rubies,
And your firm yet supple—
Tight embrace!

ANYA: He’s swell.
XANDER: She’s sweller.
ANYA: He’ll always be my feller.
XANDER: That’s why I’ll never tell her that I’m petrified.

ANYA: I’ve read this tale,
There’s wedding, then betrayal.
I know there’ll come the day I’ll want to run and hide.

BOTH: I lied,
I said it’s easy.
I’ve tried,
But there’s these fears I’ve can’t quell.

XANDER: Is she looking for a pot of gold?
ANYA: Will I look good when I’ve gotten old?
XANDER: Will our lives become too stressful if I’m never that successful?
ANYA: When I get so worn and wrinkly that I look like David Brinkley?
XANDER: Am I crazy?
ANYA: Am I dreamin’?
XANDER: Am I marrying a demon?

BOTH: We could really raise the beam in making marriage a hell!
So, thank god, I’ll never tell!
I swear that I’ll never tell!

XANDER: My lips are sealed.
ANYA: I take the Fifth.
XANDER: Nothing to see,
Move it along.

BOTH: I’ll never Tell!

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