The Honey Pot
chat from the future
CousinManlius: Hey! I have read the secret history
me: I figured you had, I didn't get that one for you. oh, is it the new year there? what is the future like?
CousinManlius: haha, not yet. in a little under eight hours
me: woohoo! I bet there will be flying cars, I'm hoping for teleportation bots in the new year, I don't want to fly ever again
CousinManlius: i'll keep you posted
me: =) does Seoul do something, like drop some balls or apples or boxes of spam? culturize me.
CousinManlius: ashamed to admit i don't really know. in fact, it was just this morning that i realized that today, and not tomorrow, is the 31st. I'm sure stuff goes on, but the lunar new year is when they really celebrate
me: ah, moon people, ok. well, be sure to look out a window in eight hours, you might see something
CousinManlius: haha, i'll try to do better than that
me: haha. Have you read your dad's review of MethLand in the Wapsipinicon?
CousinManlius: no!
me: I found it fantastically quote worthy, if I can't find a full almanac, I'll at least send a photocopy of the article.
CousinManlius: ok, perfect
me: did I tell you what I got myself for my birthday? a hint: I can do it. I'm totally doing it.
CousinManlius: LOST!!
me: haha, yep, all five seasons!!! Amazon had a sale day where each season was $15 each if you bought them all
CousinManlius: damn, i hope you bough a set for everyone in the family! have you seen any movies lately?
me: I didn't and not really. You?
CousinManlius: lately, i loved where the wild things are, the hurt locker was pretty good, herb and dorothy and an education were kinda disappointing
me: I really loved where the wild things are, I actually am hazy on all those other titles, I'm currently cinematically fasting- for my birthday video extravaganza-FamilyVideo, pick out 42 movies, then be there eight more hours when they ask me if I want to pick out 23 more titles for free!
CousinManlius: haha, well, family video would be a great place to spend a birthday. they have it all: food, drink, and friends. speaking of, i need to get something to eat and then figure out what i'm doing tonight
me: ok, take some pics, good talk! proud of you! I won't see you out there!
CousinManlius: haha, ok, thanks! you should do it, you could totally do it
me: please, I've already done it 16 times
Stranger Than Fiction
Harold Crick: Dave, can I pose a somewhat abstract, purely hypothetical question?
Dave: Sure.
Harold Crick: If you knew you were gonna die, possibly soon, what would you do?
Dave: Wow, I don't know. Am I the richest man in the world?
Harold Crick: No, you're you.
Dave: Do I have a superpower?
Harold Crick: No, you're you.
Dave: I know I'm me, but do I have a superpower?
Harold Crick: No, why would you have a superpower?
Dave: I don't know, you said it was hypothetical.
Harold Crick: Fine, yes, you're really good at math.
Dave: That's not a power, that's a skill.
Harold Crick: Okay, you're good at math and you're invisible. And you know you're gonna die.
Dave: Okay, okay. That's easy, I'd go to space camp.
Harold Crick: Space camp?
Dave: Yeah, it's in Alabama. It's where kids go to learn how to become astronauts. I've always wanted to go since I was nine.
Harold Crick: You're invisible and you'd go to space camp?
Dave: I didn't pick invisible, you picked invisible.
Harold Crick: Aren't you too old to go to space camp?
Dave: You're never too old to go to space camp, dude.
BLACK FRIDAY pt 1
me: Ok, do you have your fight face ready?
AuntMurble : You’re supposed to leave your fight face at home.
me: No, there are times for fight face, and this is one of them.
AuntMurble : I don’t think I feel comfortable with that.
me: Ok, let’s call it focus face, Because if we aren’t focused we will be eaten alive, Focus Face! Focus Face! Are you pumped?
AuntMurble : I..don’t …know…if I’m …pumped.
me: Yeah, anyone that says that ISN’T pumped.Focus Face! FOCUS FACE!whoa look at that line of people.
AuntMurble : Are you going to go stand in line, now?
me: Yeah! I’m going to go scope it out.
AuntMurble : I’m going to sit in the car and smoke some cigarettes.
me: Good idea! Don’t forget your shopping bag, or we’ll never be able to carry all the cuddlees/snugglie things. FOCUS FACE!
AuntMurble : Ok.
me: FOCUS FACE!
Flickchart.com ? also, I swear a lot, you've been warned
Me: how are things, did you have Spam with President Obama while he was visiting?
Q: I was going to invite him, but i'm kind of a busy man, you know. have you checked out flickchart?
me: I haven't signed up yet. is it like goodreads? I'd really like to find a movie site like that.
Q: i know, i've been keeping my eye out. it's not really like good reads. you just constantly rank movies against each other, and it builds your ultimate top 20 list
me: hmm, I'll check it out, but I'm more interested in keeping track of things that I've watched, like from now, forward, more than everything I've ever watched, does that make sense? also, you are on it, yes?
Q: yes, that makes sense. and yes, i'm on it. did you happen to catch last weeks this american life?
me: nope, the radio version? which one was it? I sometimes listen to them later on the computer
Q: starting from scratch. there was a story about a guy who was trying to make a puppy channel
me: I'm on flickchart- I just picked American Pie 2 over one of the Lord of the Ring movies, haha
Q: i'd do the same thing
me: now I have to pick between brokeback mountain and Armageddon, I mean come on!? it's like Sophie's Choice up in here.
Q: i know, sometimes i want to cry
me: ugh, I really have no idea, I will more likely, in the future see a part of Armageddon, it will cause both pleasure and pain.
Q: but just remember the animal cracker scene. it's so romantic
me: hahaha! what does it mean 'don't make the wrong choice' ? is flickchart f*cking with me?or just judging me?
me: what happens when Pearl Harbor is up against ...anything?!? I mean Josh 'Hotnett' PitHair Action!
Q: haha, you're right. i think it's just an assumed number 1
me: oh, sh*t d*mn h*ll fu*k. American History X or Serenity...I think we both know what I have to do
Q: you're just gonna have to bite the curb on that one...ok, shoot, i have to hit the showers
me: ok, chat ya later!
Q: bye bye
me: I haven't forgotten about this puppy channel thing, I'll listen, and start a puppy channel with you.

adnauseam:

W: haha on a related note
did you know ashlee simpson got canned cuz she sucks so bad
i loled when i read it 
me: canned from what?
lol do you mean literally canned?
as in someone threw cans at her??? 
W: no
wtf
what
as in
fired from melrose place
lol literally canned 
me: oh she was on it? 
W: the new one 
me: i had no idea what you were talking about!
W: she played heather locklear’s character
me: lol whatever

I also live in a world where I didn’t know that ashley simpson was on melrose place and in that same world people might throw cans at her or maybe preserve her for winter consumption.

shh...
me: I'm trying not to freak out, but your steering wheel is sticky.
K: oh, yeah, sorry. I forgot to wipe it off. It's because
me: shh.
K: it's because
me: shh.
K: what are you doing? it's because
me: shh, hush.
K: haha, it's because
me: SHH. shut it! I don't want to know. Seriously. I've decided it's maple syrup. Let's leave it at that. Nothing is going to be better than the answer of Maple Syrup.
K: ha, it's because...
and then they told me. It wasn't horrific, but Why-The-Face did they have to ruin my perfectly sweet scenario of a mythical drive-through pancake house that serves real maple syrup.I was nice enough to not punch them in the throat. There is no better answer- Maple Syrup.
O.M.D.
Reen: Jennifer have you seen Unlikely Animal Friends on National Geographic Channel?
Me: No, I'm really bad at remembering how to watch TV.
Reen: YOU HAVE TO WATCH! There is a Dog that looks just like Cowboy and it is friends with an Orangutan. YOU HAVE TO WATCH! ~amazingly as I'm walking into the house it's on the telly~
Me: That doesn't look like Cowboy the Dog Champion that dog is a coon or bluetick hound. Cowboy is a German Shor. . . O.M.D. This is the best bit of television I have seen in a long time.
ShunTrek
C: who is ensign ricky? is that the guy in the tight outfit with the beard who is with the woman in the ill-fitting jumper/unitard? her outfit is so wrong!!!!!!!!
me: hahaha, I have no idea what you are talking about? Use some proper names and titles, you're killin' me!
C: hey i guess i was speaking of richter, or number 1 or 2 or whatever he is, and his girlfriend counselor troy. how do i know this? don't ask. all i'm saying is her outfit is the worst!!!! she's rocking the camel toe.
me: I can't believe you said Counselor Troi had a camel toe. I really can't think of any women on any of the Star Trek series that were allowed to wear flattering clothing. I always was worried that Worf would break Deanna.
C: ...
me: Deanna was tough though. you should check out my tumblr.
C: that was a gross image of spooning with jean luc. don't ever say it again.
me: Patrick Stewart wound up on my tumblrblog again, he is a tricky bastard, I just felt you should know I'm spooning him. I'm spooning his beautiful voice and bald head. hahaha.
C: ...
[she's still shunning me, hahaha]