The Honey Pot

many days of poop sexting.

I found the key to happiness.

can you name the movie?

razadeluna:

Who needs context?

a flaming crying pile of poop emoticon would serve so many of my communication needs.
also, have you met my friend, Eeebs? She’s 100% perfect girlfriend material! I didn’t need a buzzfeed quiz to tell me that, one time she made me a potato pie with a tater tot crust. and that’s when we entered into our marriage of inconvenience.

razadeluna:

Who needs context?

a flaming crying pile of poop emoticon would serve so many of my communication needs.

also, have you met my friend, Eeebs? She’s 100% perfect girlfriend material! I didn’t need a buzzfeed quiz to tell me that, one time she made me a potato pie with a tater tot crust. and that’s when we entered into our marriage of inconvenience.


me: you have a religious artifact in your yard. come look.
AuntMurble: …oh. yes. I know!
me: you. know. it’s just in the shrubbery. I thought one of the church groups must have dropped it there…
AuntMurble: no. I did.
me: okay.
AuntMurble: one of the neighbors was having a yard sale and insisted I take one because she made a bunch.
me: so. you tossed it on the ground in the front yard?
AuntMurble: I was going to display it artfully.
me: but for now, tossed like trash in the front yard.
AuntMurble: yeah.

me: you have a religious artifact in your yard. come look.

AuntMurble: …oh. yes. I know!

me: you. know. it’s just in the shrubbery. I thought one of the church groups must have dropped it there…

AuntMurble: no. I did.

me: okay.

AuntMurble: one of the neighbors was having a yard sale and insisted I take one because she made a bunch.

me: so. you tossed it on the ground in the front yard?

AuntMurble: I was going to display it artfully.

me: but for now, tossed like trash in the front yard.

AuntMurble: yeah.

UncleDucey is in the shower so his TV and remote are in play. I’m just passing through to get coffee when I see Murble flipping through the guide.

me: ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT TURNING AWAY FROM THE UNSUB SHOW?!?

AuntMurble: I’m just exploring my options.

me: twilight.

AuntMurble: ugh

me: it could be the Paul Newman/ Susan Sarandon movie? nope. it’s the glittery vampire movie.

AuntMurble: I’ll leave it on the glittery vampires. See how long it takes him to say “what is this shit?”

me: I like this game.

AuntPretty1 and AuntMurble return from the Farmer’s Market and have spread their purchases across the dining room table

me: wow. did you leave any sugary items at the market? Didn’t they have any, like, broccoli?

AuntPretty1: Farmers don’t do broccoli anymore, only pastries.

I’m standing in the kitchen clutching my hot sandwich (stomach or hunger)

me: I am in need of massive quantities of fried foods.

AuntMurble: are you?

me: *shrug* yeah. but I’ll have some more grapes.

AuntMurble: I could pick up bar food.

me: but you’re making quiche.

AuntMurble: I can make quiche tomorrow!

me: I like where this is going.

HOT SANDWICH! (while patting stomach. an exclamation of excitement when all your tiny fried dreams come true)

AuntMurble: oh. now I remember. When I went upstairs I was going to grab an old pillowcase.

*takes broom off hook*

me: Watcha doing? (I get nervous for several reasons when I see her with cleaning supplies or tools)

AuntMurble: I was going to dust…

me: you could use the duster…

AuntMurble: I’m headed to the sunporch. I can just throw away the pillowcase afterwards.

me: yeah. okay. we do things differently. *sigh* I’m heading upstairs. I will toss down a pillowcase. Just please do not throw away the broom or duster or…

AuntMurble: Geeze! I wouldn’t! I’m not that disposable!

me: I’m saying this because you’ve done it before.

AuntMurble:  oh. okay. look out Jazz! we are going to fight today!

me: nope. I’m going to sit quietly in my room.

*throws down three pillow cases*

me: these all feel like they have polyester in them.

AuntMurble: THESE ARE ALL COTTON!

me: *SIGH* *opens linen drawer*

AuntMurble: hold on. let me read the label. Oh. yeah. they are all poly-blends.

me: YEAH.

and for the record. I do not want dickpics. I want DICKS WITH FUTURES, tumblr’s new coffee table book (if I keep saying it’s tumblr’s new book, maybe it will happen).

and for the record. I do not want dickpics. I want DICKS WITH FUTURES, tumblr’s new coffee table book (if I keep saying it’s tumblr’s new book, maybe it will happen).

"My favorite part was when Tanya cracked her hard-boiled egg on that horrible little white girl’s head."

- me discussing film