The Honey Pot

I make a noise in the attic.

Jazz barks at the noise from the first floor.

I walk down the stairs slowly carrying a few things to the basement.

Me: Jazz, I think you are barking at me.

AuntMurble: she is. She would like you to be quiet, please! Just sit down and drink your Gatorade, Jennifer!

Me: I’m drinking it every time I go down the attic stairs. I’m almost done and then I’ll sit down. BUT I’LL NEVER BE QUIET!!!

AuntMurble: that makes me sad but I understand.

Me: I’m not concerned with your sadness today, maybe at a later date.

AuntMurble: *laughs*

Me: you could bring up your sadness with your friends at your next drinks meeting.

After several failed and infuriating conversations already this morning.

Me: what am I here to help with? What did you visualize me helping with? Are we moving the books to the porch or something?

AuntMurble: the only reason I’m here early is because the movers weren’t sure when they would show up. No, we aren’t moving the books to the porch.

Me: a week ago, when you asked me to help, WHAT WERE YOU ASKING FOR HELP WITH?

AuntMurble: you don’t have to help.

Me: I said I would help. I AM HERE.

AuntMurble: I guess I didn’t really think about it.

AuntMurble: *yells* CousinGOP is here for a drink.

I walk up to the living room

me: okay, do you want me to make beergaritas?

AuntMuble: OH YES THEY ARE SO GOOD.

me: okay I’ll make you guys a batch. Walk Jazz. and then when I get back, if you’ve drank them all, I’ll make more…and take the batch to my bedroom.

(back from the park)

me: we were swarmed by toddlers at the park. fuckin’ toddlers! *drinks beergarita* SO GOOD. I’m making more.

we all drink more beergaritas. Murble and CousinGOP have been snacking on chips and queso but this is not enough food for me.

me: I was going to make BLT’s tonight but it seems like a lot of work…UncleDucey do you want a BLT?

UncleDucey: yeah!

me: CousinGOP, do you want a BLT?

CousinGOP: Sure!

me: YEAH!

AuntMurble: YEAH!

I start cooking the bacon. spinning the lettuce and toasting the bread

me: wouldn’t it be funny if I just went to sleep in the middle of this BLT making process? because. i.am.drunk.

AuntMurble: don’t fall asleep in the frying pan!

me: no. I would just wander off in the middle of the BLT process and fall asleep in an undisclosed location.

AuntMurble: OH, that would be adorable.

me: aww thanks.

food is finished.

UncleDucey: (to cousinGOP) I’m so glad we had guests tonight so I didn’t have to make a bologna sandwich.

everyone laughs

me: screw you guys!

everyone laughs

AuntMurble: do you want blahblah?

UncleDucey: no. not really.

AuntMurble: do you want something else…within reason?

UncleDucey: not really. no.

AuntMurble: ha. okay. JENNIFER DO YOU WANT A CHICKEN POT PIE?

me: hmm…YES! UncleDucey, do you want a baked potato?

UncleDucey: ya know, I think I will!

me: I’m going to have a pie and a potato. (this sways him to do the same)

me: I think I dreamt about baked potatoes last night.

Me: I toasted more bread for the left over tomato stuff and hummus. And like I said before-chocolate cake!

AuntMurble: I THOUGHT YOU WERE JOKING ABOUT THE CAKE!

my phone rings

AuntAbides: they are on their way back to you.

me: you could have kept them.

AuntAbides: I would have but I think AuntMurble was excited to see her newly repaired house.

me: how nice for her.

(most of the siblings are voracious readers)

AuntAbides: she (Murble) read the same book the entire time she was here. of course it was one I wanted. I kept waiting. she didn’t finish it. I’ve never seen her read that slowly. I bet she did it on purpose!

me: hahaha. I’ll try to snag it and ship it to you when she is done. Her reading has slowed down A LOT, I’ve noticed, but honestly I’ve been struggling with reading in the past three years as well.

Leer mas...

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