my taller weirder prettier cousin called me on NOT MY PHONE (Murble’s home line). again. some of you might remember, she left a message for me last year on Murble’s line giving me about 8hrs notice to pick her up at the airport. It was some sort of miracle that I checked the machine. I’m really hostile right now and chatting (with almost anyone) makes me super anxious. I am aware of these things but, I haven’t found a good coping mechanism.
me: can I call you back from my phone? (because otherwise, I’ll have to stand in Murble’s bedroom and talk to you and that’s not going to help the situation)
me: Hi. just to be clear. This is my number. the phone I’m calling from is my only number.
twpcousin: well, you gave me that other number at some point?
me: I’ve had my number for close to a decade. I’m trying to tell you my number. again. so you can have it in your address book. you don’t have my correct email address either.
twpcousin: well, I don’t really feel like sorting out my address book right now. some people change their information too much.
me: okay. guess we aren’t clearing this up.
She talks about her job. and I think it’s going pretty well she struggled to find a position for her degree and she’s going into a second contract. which is great and I tried to tell her so.
twpcousin: what’s new with you? heard any good music? read any good books?
me: nothing is new with me. It’s all the same stuff. let me think about what I’ve read…I finished the Game of Thrones books recently. everybody dies.
twpcousin: The Unicorn series?
me: haha. no Game of Thrones. Song of Ice and…I’m going to start the Unicorn series next I bet it’s amazing! I should see if I can find a Glitter series.
twpcousin: hahaha. I saw a book about glitter and almost bought it for you!
me: thanks for thinking of me but I’m glad you didn’t buy it. I have too much stuff. I should get rid of everything or…idk.
twpcousin: Can I give you some advice? smoke some weed and organize!
me: haha. I’m really organized. that’s not really the problem I don’t think.
twpcousin: what is the problem?
me: well, I’m without a home. I can stay here and continue to help with my uncle or, I guess, get rid of everything and leave, or…
twcousin: You should move to Colorado!
me: I don’t want to move to Colorado. If I move anywhere, it would probably be east or west coast. (or out of country. and actually I love Iowa. )
twpcousin: maybe I should call another time.
me:I’m not good on the phone. I…really don’t want to talk about myself. it’s all the same as it was a year ago.
twpcousin: This feels like a bad time. I’m feeling really attacked right now. You don’t want to talk to me. You don’t want to move to Colorado because of me.
me: I’m not trying to attack you. I’m trying to be clear and me not wanting to move to Colorado has nothing to do with you but, feel free to make it about you.
twpcousin: I can’t be around negativity right now.
me: then I’m a bad person to be talking to. I love you. I’ll talk to you some other time. maybe. bye.
It went pretty well!