whenitpours:

• I appreciate your support, Mister, but I’d really just like to get my pants on.
• You had a shit-sticker on your cheek.
• Why is there a bolt in the cereal box?
• Surely you don’t want me to sniff your blanket.
• Buddy, we don’t — we don’t… grab people’s penises.. with tongs.. Oh, man, even as I am saying it, I can’t believe I am saying this.
• You can’t have any Cheez-Its until you finish your Goldfish.

I was laughing when I read this yesterday, and then laughing a lot when I got to the tongs. BUT HEY, we’ve all had to say that/learn that at some point.

I completely lost it laughing when I got to the cheese crackers, because who made you LORD OF CHEESE CRACKERS, Treva? Maybe the Ultimate Ginge needed to mix things up a bit.

Cheese cracker variety is the spice of life!

me: the only reason I posted the “I’m more interesting on the internet” post is because I didn’t want ‘my mom’ yelling at me about posting butts <3
Jules aka: ‘my mom’: hahahahahaha
me: I’m going to do a post later about how I am interesting in person
and then
you guys will be so disappointed when you meet me <3
Jules: hahahahahaha
not even POSSIBLE
me: awww I’ve told you my evil plan!
Jules: but I refused to heart that post because it is ridiculous lies
I have talked to you off the internet unless you have a stand-in who then posts about our conversation on your tumblr
in which case your stand-in is ~fascinating~
me: my intern!
Jules: then, I probably want to meet your intern.
me: yeah, me too!
Jules: did you sleep at all? because you’re doing really great on quippy hilarity.
me: hahaha
I AM SLEEPLESS
I AM ON A TEAR
Jules: I DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?
me: and I made more coffee
Jules: yay coffee!
but, sleep…. I’ve heard is also important
me: on a tear, in this case, would be a string of bad behavior
you’ll see
Jules: okay
not like, a care-bear-rainbow-slide type of tear? that you can slide on?